Yesterday, I spearheaded a new movement at the office. I stopped using the word "we", and started to say what I really meant to say.  For example, instead of "We should fix that bug", I say, "You should fix that bug", and good God is it satisfying.

There are a couple of motivations for this. Firstly, one of the key things I've learned being a for-pay writer is to show some conviction. Secondly, the passive discussions about defects and delegation and responsibility really started to irritate me. Why not just tell it like it is?

When I worked at Google, I picked up on a really annoying trend in the software industry (or maybe just in Silicon Valley) that I call "fuck-you with a smile".  You never want to outright blame somebody or something, rather, it's best to state the existence of an issue and then ask "the team" to fix it.  We should really move that icon ten pixels to the left. We definitely need to fix that concurrency bug. We should probably have that all done before lunch.

Well then, Mr. Manager, you had better get cracking, because I've got some YouTube videos to watch.

I learned that the goal of institutional business is to keep from angrying up the blood at all costs.  A productive employee is one whose personality has been bleached out to a yellow tinge.  Always non-confrontational, never suggesting that any one person fucked up.

The best part about working at a startup is that I'm free to suggest that yes, you fucked this up. Yes, it's your fault, and yes, you need to fix it. Delegate! Don't waste time listing out action items, spend time telling people what to do. Everyone you work with should be a grown up, and can handle it. The other side of that is owning up to your mistakes. Instead of "There is memory leak in the code, we should prioritize it over other defects", say, "I introduced a memory leak in the code. I am going to fix it as soon as possible."

Anyway, I'm going to keep this up until somebody openly calls me an asshole. You should try it too.  You don't have to be a prick about it, just be assertive. Your co-workers will be impressed at your new found confidence. It might even get you laid. 

Well, probably not, but you won't be wondering when a meeting is going to end if you grab it by the balls.